I recently got hold of a copy of the Mystery Method. It’s a classic piece of game literature, referenced by almost everybody in the community, which for some reason I never got round to reading before. It was one of the first books to attempt to define a system for courtship. While in some ways outdated now, there is still a lot of gold to be mined from it.
MM has been criticized for being overly analytical and detailed, causing “analysis paralysis” in set. My counter to that is two-fold:
- Analysis paralysis come from information overload – trying to take in too much at once. The key is to take in the information in small chunks, then go out and apply until it is learned, then tackle the next piece.
- Agreed, the map is NOT the terrain. But you need some kind of map or you will become hopelessly lost.
Mostly stories about how great Mystery is, not much of any use here.
You have two purposes in life – survival and reproduction (S&R). You have a limited amount of time alive to accomplish the latter (the average human lifespan is 28,251 days).
|Martial Arts||“Venusian Arts” (pickup)|
|Practiced routines and fighting theory internalized then applied to real-life sparring.||Practiced routines and seduction theory internalized then applied to real-life interactions.|
Emphasis on the importance of being a tribal leader. A woman’s job is to survive and replicate, to this end she will align herself with anyone that can assist her in achieving these goals. Being a tribal leader indicates high Survival and Reproduction value, so you can be a fat, old and bald tribal leader and still attract beautiful young women.
You must aim to become a tribal leader within your own family, professional community and circle of friends.
We live under competing pressures:
- Protecting ourselves from others
- Aligning ourselves with others
Dynamic social homeostasis occurs when these two conditions are balanced. Both men and women are constantly trying to balance these conditions.
People tend to form social alignments with others, where such relationships are mutually beneficial for survival and reproduction. Your friend who helps get you laid, a friend who has your back in a fight, a friend who motivates you to approach, a friend who can get you into exclusive social circles, a friend who got you a job, friend who lent you money – these are all people who offer us value so we are attracted to them in return.
Our attraction circuits are genetic “judges” of the S-and-R value of others (we are attracted to men we consider highly likely to survive and reproduce in a similar way that women are). We are also repelled by people who have a low or negative S-and-R value (tramps, losers, social rejects, weak or fat people).
Social proof is important – women will find a man more attractive if he has already been preselected by other women. You want her to think (whether true or not) that you have many other women interested in you.
Approach anxiety is genetically hardwired. In a small tribe, being rejected might be a disaster that would permanently affect your ability to reproduce. In modern cities this fear of rejection is mostly pointless because there are infinite girls.
[Mystery was wrong about approach anxiety. The real reason for approach anxiety is the same reason it’s hard to ask a girl to meet you once you’re texting, or to kiss her once you’re in set. It’s because it involves a direct confrontation between your ego and reality. If there is no risk of personal rejection, then there is no fear. You don’t get approach anxiety when you ask a girl for the time. Why? Because there is no possibility of her rejecting you as a man in that scenario. Your ego is the enemy – you must give it your best possible shot and still acknowledge the possibility that it wasn’t good enough. Avoiding giving your best shot so you can justify it later with “I wasn’t really trying” is a loser’s mentality.
Most men will do almost anything to protect their ego from reality, even at the expense of not getting laid. When you are out looking your best, you open a girl and deliver your best game and she still rejects you this is an uncomfortable clash between your ego and the real world. Calibrating your ego against reality is the only way to get real results – otherwise you are delusional. If you want to get laid a lot, you must bring your ego directly against reality many times. This is uncomfortable, which is why most men don’t do it.
And contrary to popular belief, attractive women are NOT approached all the time. It’s actually pretty rare, to the point that most moderately attractive women probably only see a handful of true cold approaches during the day in their lifetime.]
Health, wealth and love all need to be in alignment and good order for your life to be complete. Where you are lacking in one, you must address that otherwise it will affect both of the others.
People are motivated far more by emotion than logic and for women this is especially true. Women are motivated almost entirely by feelings not logic and for this reason you should never try to convince a woman. You must stimulate her emotions instead.
Make it feel right for her.
Engaging a woman on an emotional level, even a “bad” emotion like jealousy or frustration will get you further than pure logic. Women are invested based on the level of their emotions so giving her a range of emotions will lead to her becoming more interested in you. Take her on an emotional journey through curiosity, fascination, connection, indignation, embarrassment, validation, laughter, happiness, sadness and fear of loss.
[Mystery had the right idea about peacocking but he was mistaken about it’s implications. He thought it was about being gaudy and standing out. While this is one instance of peacocking, it doesn’t tell the whole story.
A peacock’s tail is attractive to mates because it demonstrates huge genetic value. If the peacock is able to grow such a large and obviously useless tail, it must have loads of resources and good genes to spare. It’s still alive despite being such an obvious target and carrying around such a cumbersome appendage. Male peacocking is any kind of activity that demonstrates the same thing. Rappers burning cash is one of the most direct examples of this. Another would be driving an expensive sports car, or carrying huge gold chains around your neck. Both show you have massive value, you can afford to throw it away on trivialities that don’t matter and you’re still alive despite the obvious risks. Most importantly this display of value is both visible and obvious.]
Social status and reputation directly influence your S-and-R value and should be maximized.
Discretion is a virtue – whenever she says “not here,” you say “I understand”. Women want to protect their reputation and not appear to be a slut. Note this is different from not being a slut. Most women are quite willing to be a slut if they think they can get away with it. So if you want a woman to act like a slut with you, you must project that you are discreet and will keep her secret, not revealing it in front of her friends.
[This is why daygame works better on women who are walking by themselves. It’s anonymous and none of her friends are around to judge, so her anti-slut defense can remain safely asleep.]
Plausible deniability – women do not want to be responsible for anything that happens in an interaction. She must always be able to say later that she didn’t intend for it to happen. This is why you always need an excuse, no matter how ridiculous, to get her back to your place.
You must also lead the conversation. If you don’t bring up interesting topics, she might accidentally bring up her own boring topics, then feel bored and blame it on you. This may not seem fair, but get over it. You aren’t competing with her, you’re competing with other men. If there is another man around that can lead the conversation and make her feel excited, why would she waste her time on you?
Women will keep pushing and testing until they find your boundaries. These boundaries make her feel secure with you. They make her feel your strength.
Investment – women see men as an abundant resource, so you must get her to invest in you or it’s all too easy for her to walk away and find another. The more invested she is, the more responsive she will be. Mystery lists the following forms of investment:
- Emotional – if she allows herself to feel emotionally involved with you, it’s harder for her to dismiss you.
- Physical – walking arm in arm < kissing < sex
- Time – just time with a girl increases her sense of investment.
- Effort – the more she chases, the more invested she feels
- Money – did she buy you anything?
[Mystery was writing this guide for Western women. Many of the following rules do NOT apply when gaming women from other countries e.g. South America, South-east Asia or Eastern Europe]
Women are repelled by discomfort and confrontation:
- Be positive and open
- Nothing is a “big deal” [e.g. if you are at her house and trying to escalate, but getting frustrated because she won’t go past a certain point – it’s no big deal. Just say “ok it was nice spending time with you” and go home. A man with options would not get frustrated because he’d just bang another girl instead and forget about her]
- Don’t complain or be emotionally punishing. Once she is in love with you, you have far more leeway here. But until then, you must avoid making her feel negative emotions around you. She has too many options to put up with it.
- If she flakes on you, ignore it
Women are attracted to fun and stimulation:
- Be fun and playful [this will actually hurt your chances with some women, e.g. Ukrainians. They look down on clownish men and feel that their man should be more stoic and tough]
- Be challenging
- Be slightly unpredictable
- Embrace your passions
- Spend time and energy cultivating a social circle
Treat a woman like a cat. Keep your validation and attention just slightly out of the girl’s reach, as you would when playing with a cat using a feather on a stick. [sometimes I will literally make comparisons between the girl and a cat on dates]
Don’t be fazed if she says she has a boyfriend. She might say this for any number of reasons, he may not even exist. So just ignore it.
Pickup is learned through a mesh of study and practice. Practice without study is blind and stupid, study without practice is mental masturbation.
Mystery’s newbie mission: 4 x 4hr sessions per week, 3 approaches per hour = 48 approaches per week.
During missions only think about vibe and game. After missions, reflect and think of solutions to whatever eventuality’s came up.
Women are more socially savvy because they’ve had more practice. By the time a typical “10” is 24, she has been approached thousands of times.
[This is NOT correct. Most men do not do cold approaches in the day time, and the number of men who can do it well is probably less than 1 in 10,000.
Women are socially savvy because 1) they are evolved to be, 2) it is their primary weapon and has been for hundreds of thousands of years. Where men got the spatial awareness, planning and logic, women were given the social skills to extract resources from men and play the game in a way that most men are not aware of.
Mystery is correct that attractive women will have had a lot of men try to hit on her, so she’s likely to have a lot of experience brushing them off and/or testing them.]
You can gain attraction in seconds to minutes and sex in between 4-10 hours. [Agreed about the attraction time frame, but sex can happen a lot faster than this. Faster sex can paradoxically lead to girls giving you the cold shoulder though, it’s the difference between a slow but steady burn and a flash in the pan.]
Process over outcome – you go out primarily to improve your skill level, not to get this one girl. Detachment from outcome.
Attraction is not a choice, to some extent you can learn how to manipulate attraction switches in a girl’s brain like a machine. Women’s attraction switches respond mostly to survival value over replication value. [Translated into English, this means that there are many factors that make up a man’s attractiveness including charisma, charm, looks, power, wealth and status. Looks alone are only a minor factor.]
Women are followers and highly influenced by what other women think. To some extend they share a sort of hive mind. Even if no other women are around, she will infer from your subconscious communications how many other women are interested in you.
Attraction -> Comfort -> Seduction
Seduction is mutual and will occur almost automatically if the woman is attracted to you, comfortable with you and you are both in isolation.
[You can sleep with a woman based on attraction alone. A kind of “scorched earth” pickup approach can work where you literally sweep a woman up in your masculine energy all the way back to your house and into your bed in a matter of an hour or so. The author has personally made it work in the day time on one occasion. That girl never met me again though, so perhaps this opportunistic method is not so sticky – see Mystery’s “fool’s mate” concept.]
Stick to the order. Do not start with seduction. Do not start with comfort. Start with attraction. Comparison between fast lays and fool’s mate. [Editors note: he means scholar’s mate. Otherwise I would tend to agree, this is a useful comparison.] It is better to play a solid long game than it is to try to hit fool’s mate every time, unless you are in position where your value is so much higher than the girl’s, and attraction is so high that you can skip past a lot of stages 1 and 2.
Fool’s mate can work on occasion, but don’t let it be your only winning move.
[It seems like the higher your value is compared to the girl, the more likely you are to get fool’s mate. If the girl is on your level looks-wise and you don’t have any other “killer feature” i.e. you’re not ridiculously famous, then it’s a low probability move.]
Difference between a “player” and a “pickup artist”:
- Failure to justify mutual attraction (you must give a plausible reason why you think this girl is special aside from her looks)
- Disregard of comfort (you skipped the middle step)
- Buyer’s remorse (you pushed her too fast)
There is a point of no return which can trigger buyer’s remorse. This happens when kissing turns into foreplay without enough comfort. If you are in a public place and you start kissing, you as the man must judge that it is not the place where sex can occur and push her away before it moves onto foreplay. This is very difficult to do, but the woman will respect this tremendously, feel safer with you and it’s more likely to lead to a lot more sex in the long run.
Here are the problems associated with improper M3 sequencing:
- Starting at the end (seduction) – fool’s mate
- Starting at the middle (comfort) – bitch shield
- Starting at the beginning and skipping the middle (attract -> seduce) – buyer’s remorse
- Starting at the beginning but getting stuck in the middle (attract -> comfort) – friend zone
Bouncing between locations is extremely important. There are three types of locations:
Attract – Meeting location (e.g. street)
Comfort – Comfort-building location (e.g. coffee shop, bar)
Seduce – Sex location (e.g. your/her bedroom)
And three types of transition:
Move – Move the girl to a different area of the current venue
Bounce – Both exit and go to a different venue together
Time bridge – Take a number, continue gaming at a later time and place
There are nine phases of the M3 model, broken down further later in the book.
|A1 – Open||C1 – Conversation to create comfort and rapport||S1 – Foreplay. Be careful not to do this too soon.|
|A2 – Get her interested in you||C2 – Connection. Both parties feel a vibe that “it’s on”||S2 – LMR. Point of no return for women.|
|A3 – Reward her involvement with indication of male interest in her||C3 – Intimacy. Secluded location, making out, move to bedroom.||S3 – Sex. A relationship is delicate and easily broken until you’d had sex several times.|
More to come…